


WE ARE NOT ON A MISSION TO BABYSIT PUNY WIZARDS!

by Strawberry_Scented_Eraser



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Action, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Attempt at Humor, BAMF Harry Potter, BAMF Haruno Sakura, BAMF Hatake Kakashi, BAMF Hermione Granger, BAMF Minerva McGonagall, BAMF Neville Longbottom, BAMF Ron Weasley, BAMF Uchiha Sasuke, BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, British, Confused Harry, Crack, Crack Crossover, Creative License, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Culture Shock, Draco Malfoy is a Little Shit, Epic Friendship, Fish and Chips, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Food, Foreign Language, Friendship, Gross, Harry Potter is a Little Shit, Harry is a Little Shit, Haruno Sakura is So Done, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Hatake Kakashi is a Troll, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hogwarts, House Elves, Hufflepuff Neville Longbottom, Humor, Implied Relationships, Just Add Ninjas, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Letters, Magic, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Ninja, Owls, Platonic Relationships, Potions, Potions Accident, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Protective Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama, Quidditch, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Snacks & Snack Food, Strong Haruno Sakura, Summoning, Team 7 - Freeform, Tutoring, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Friendship, Uchiha Sasuke Has Issues, Uzumaki Naruto is a Good Friend, Wands, Wizarding Culture (Harry Potter), Wizarding World (Harry Potter), Wizards, is - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strawberry_Scented_Eraser/pseuds/Strawberry_Scented_Eraser
Summary: Team 7 goes on a mission to the world of Harry Potter. Follow along as they struggle with English customs, food, and protecting puny wizards who have no concept of self-defense.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One  
~~~  
It was a quiet morning in Konoha when Team 7 was called to see Tsunade for a new mission assignment. It had been some time since the team had a mission assignment together. Several years had passed since the war and the political climate had grown way calmer, but the team was still quite busy and didn’t have a lot of time to socialize. Sasuke was working on earning back Konoha's respect. He was participating in many D ranked missions and community service. If there was any dirty job that needed to be done that no one wanted to do, Sasuke would do it. His over-inflated Uchiha ego was still intact, which made fixing his relationship with people very difficult, but he was making progress. Naruto was very busy training to become Hokage. After befriending Kurama, Naruto’s chakra control and other abilities had improved in leaps and bounds. The paperwork that Tsunade forced upon him as part of his “Hokage training” was another matter entirely. Kurama and Naruto’s relationship had shifted from being one of a host and prisoner to being one of an exhausting student and an extremely tired and sarcastic teacher. Sakura was currently in charge of a department of the Konoha Hospital that focused on helping children who were traumatized by war. Her enthusiastic personality often rubbed off on the kids she worked with and helped them feel strong. Kakashi was on a well-deserved break from his ANBU missions, spending all his free time training and reading his nasty books. 

When they arrived at Tsunade's office, they were surprised to see an old, silver bearded man wearing dark robes and a pointed hat. There were many weird clients that Konoha ninja dealt with, but few had such strange clothing as the ancient man talking with Tsunade.

"Baa-Chan, what is this old gramps doing here? We are supposed to get our mission. A cool one. I’m not a genin, I’m the future Hokage!" Naruto pouted.

"Don't call her that!" Sakura hissed, upset that Naruto was being rude to her mentor and their apparent client. Naruto’s often whiny tone really grated on her nerves.

"Naruto…” said Tsunade warningly “This man is your mission. He is going to be your guide to the wizarding world. This is a bodyguard assignment. There are some very powerful wizards targeting a young boy named Harry Potter.”

"A bodyguard mission? This is easy!" Naruto said, throwing up his hands in annoyance.

"This will be fun," Sakura said with a grin.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted with a smirk, acting aloof but secretly excited to rejoin Team 7 in missions.

Tsunade handed over three dark rings to the team."These will help with the language barrier. Kakashi is already fluent.” The rings were engraved with their respective clan symbols. 

"Can the guide understand us?" Sakura questioned.

"A bit" the old man replied in broken Japanese "Should I introduce myself?"

"Yes, please," Naruto said.

"I am Albus Dumbledore. I am the headmaster of Hogwarts, which is a wizarding school,” Professor Dumbledore said.

"Who exactly are we protecting this ‘Harry Potter’ from?" Sasuke asked.

"There is a very notorious wizard who is called Voldemort, along with his followers: the Death Eaters. We also have reason to believe that your Akatsuki are involved.” Professor Dumbledore replied.

"Are we going to be obvious guards or should we be in the shadows?" Kakashi asked professionally.

"The plan is to have the youth enroll in our school as students to keep an eye on the student activities and have you be an extracurricular teacher. There is no need to worry, you younglings are exempt from educational matters." Dumbledore said, the latter section directed toward the frightened expression on Naruto’s face.

"School starts in September, and it would be good for you guys to take the train so you can meet the students, as well as your client."

"Alright. We will be there" Kakashi said.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

~~~

The heat bore down on the playground. A lone figure sat on the swings, his green eyes clashing with his dark hair. Harry Potter. His fifteenth birthday was coming up, but he was not expecting any sort of celebration. He lived with his Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, and Cousin Dudley. He had never felt any familial connection with them and vice versa. Rather, he was excited to go to school and see his dear friends, Ron and Hermione. They all went to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry together. They were more of a family than his relatives had ever been.  
He was daydreaming about seeing them again when his white owl, Hedwig, flew over to him. This was peculiar because Hedwig was nocturnal and preferred to spend her days inside her cage sleeping. Tied to her leg was a piece of parchment. It was a letter from his friends. Harry opened it excitedly. The summers were lonely and he looked forward to every letter he received. Inside it was an invite to meet at the Leaky Cauldron because they were there early. Harry jumped up from the swingset so suddenly that Hedwig almost fell to the ground. He rushed over to Number 4 Privet Drive and ran up to his room. He quickly threw together his suitcase, which was partially packed already, and walked into the living room. There sat Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, the floral sofa clashing with the hideously striped wallpaper. 

“And where do you think you’re going?” Uncle Vernon questioned sternly. His red face screwed up in a scowl.

“I was wondering if I could get a ride to London today.” Harry asked hopefully.

“Our Dudley-dearest must go there tomorrow to pick up his handsome uniform. You can go tomorrow with him. Today, there is no need for us to drive you anywhere.” Aunt Petunia said in her usual condescending tone.

“Alright.” Harry replied, disappointed, but not the least bit surprised. He made his way back up to his room where he found Hedwig perched on his bed. He noticed that there was another letter tied to her leg, one that he had not noticed before. It was from Professor Dumbledore. It read:  
Dear Harry,  
I am pleased to inform you that you have been recommended by your professors to be a guide for the newly founded foreign exchange student program at Hogwarts. The school has realized that it would be beneficial for Hogwarts students to learn about other magical cultures after last year’s experience with the Triwizard Tournament. The foreign exchange student that you will be guiding is named Sasuke Uchiha. He is from the Konohagakure Academy of Chakra and Magic in Japan. There is no need to be worried about the language barrier and I hope that you will be able to ease his difficult transition. Additionally, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley have also been chosen as guides. I think that this was a wonderful stroke of luck. Congratulations to all of you for being in such high regard of your teachers last year. I hope you all take this opportunity and make the most of it. I expect you and your friends to take a break from your repeated “adventurous” tendencies and to set a good example in both your behaviors and studies.  
Sincerely,  
Professor Albus Dumbledore.

Harry was confused. He had never heard of a wizarding school hosting a year-long exchange program before. Harry remembered how the Hungarian and French visitors were treated in the past year, with the French girls being at odds with the Hogwarts girls and the Hungarian guys being at odds with the Hogwarts guys. He immediately realized how necessary an exchange program was needed: the Hogwarts’ students were far too close-minded when it came to other cultures. On the other hand, he remembered Hermione. He began to imagine her reaction to the letter. He just knew she would be stocking up on books and knowledge about Konohagakure and Japanese culture. He wouldn’t be surprised if she was fluent by the next time he saw her. He chuckled to himself just thinking about it. 

The next day, Harry hopped into the rickety old car with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. They dropped him off at Kings Cross Station. 

“We are going this way. You can just walk to your cauldron place by yourself.” Aunt Petunia said, pointing down the street. 

“Bye.” Harry said, walking away. The car drove off. Harry knew he wouldn’t see them until next summer, but he didn’t care. He made his way down the familiar path to the Leaky Cauldron. He walked through the doors, the muggles paying him no mind. Immediately, he heard some familiar banter. 

“Just sit down already and read! It’s not that hard!”

“Even their alphabet is different! How am I supposed to learn a whole new language before school starts? The letter said that the language barrier isn’t going to be a problem!”

“Are you saying we shouldn’t do our absolute best to make them comfortable!?”

“No, what? I just don’t want to learn a whole new language.”

Harry looked around the corner. There sat Ron and Hermione. The floor under him creaked and they whipped their heads around. 

“Harry!” they exclaimed, rushing over, engulfing him in a tight hug. 

“You tell Ron here that he has to start studying.” Hermione demanded.

“Well, I mean I’m not really one to be telling him to do that…” Harry responded.

“Don’t tell me… You haven’t been studying! How are we supposed to make them as comfortable as possible? Did you not read Professor Dumbledore’s letter?” Hermione said, frustration making her face pink.

Harry grinned and gave them a bear hug. “I’ve really missed you guys.”

Hermione’s expression softened. She said, “You know you can always stay with us if they bother you too much.” 

“I know.” Harry responded, feeling content for the first time in months.

“That doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you, though! Come over here and start studying!” She said happily, teasing him. 

Harry and Ron groaned, sitting down next to her and her pile of books. 

~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment!


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